I am a great believer in it, it is a fundamental part of all of us.

Even when we know it’s there we still do it – confirm our deeply held beliefs (and also miss *lots* of things that don’t align well with our beliefs or fit well with our current focus).

A great example of this is the ape experiment. That really fascinated me the first time I watched it. I just couldn’t believe it. Also the McGurk Effect is very interesting and along the same lines of showing us quite clearly – and astoundingly – how our mind can trick us, or at least give us a kind of tunnel vision around what we believe – what we want to believe and/or what we focus on. That means what we see, hear, feel, think – even what we taste and smell.

I’ve always thought it is a great thing to be constantly reminding ourselves of a few fundamental truths that we tend to forget:

• What we see as ‘reality’ is only our reality – everyone has their own view of the world
• Confirmation Bias is a thing – and a very powerful thing indeed – we tend to only see things that confirm our views or at least give them a lot more credence than anything that doesn’t
• Everything we perceive (see, hear, feel, think, smell, taste) is only a filtered view – we never have the full picture
• Despite all of the above we like to believe we ‘know’
• Wisdom is knowing how little we know and accepting that

We tend to get very attached to our own beliefs, our own opinions = our own ‘certainties’.

In short, the world, the universe, ‘reality’ and our place in it is far, far more tenuous and malleable than we realise.

I’d like to share with you something I read recently today that reminded me of all of this. Reading this one sentence made me think, ‘Yes, exactly’. It reminded me of my profound interest in the whole concept of Confirmation Bias (for me it is something of a trickster, capable of stirring up all kinds of trouble). It gave a slightly different perspective on something I try to do and would advise anyone listening to do anyway and that is to be willing to question your own feelings, beliefs etc and above all to be open to other people’s world views being very different to yours – because they will be. They have had different lives, influences, experiences, hopes, fears and dreams to you, so of course their world view is going to be different. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with their view, just don’t be surprised if their view of any given thing is different to yours – and sometimes *very* different. Their filters are going to be different. All you have to do is understand that, accept that and welcome those differences (even where there is disagreement) rather than simply opposing them because you see things differently.

So here is what I read:

It was in an article I read on medium but for some reason that article has now been deleted so I can’t reference it and thank the author. Though I am fairly certain it was written by a guy named Thomas Oppong. Definitely Thomas because I can distinctly remember saying “Exactly Thomas” as I read various parts of his article but particularly that sentence. So if you’re out there Thomas, thanks, I enjoyed your article.

Ask Better Questions

The part of Thomas’ phrase I would like to draw attention to – the thing that really spoke to me – is the latter part. There are better questions. Questions that will just validate what you already know – or worse still questions you ask which could go the other way but which you are only asking because you are looking for the answer that confirms your opinion on any given subject – are not the best questions.

So perhaps an adjunct to ask better questions and a big part of it is what you do once you have asked your question – i.e. listen. Listen properly, with curiosity and, if possible try and put yourself as close to the mindset of the person answering as you possibly can. Try to see their viewpoint. Immerse yourself. Try to be them for a moment. What have you got to lose? Nothing at all. In fact you have everything to gain by tasting that perspective for just a moment before returning to your own. Then you will understand what it is they were trying to tell you – or at least have a better chance of it. Otherwise what is the point of the exchange, you are just two people talking at each other. If you really pay attention to how you listen you will find that often you are listening but you are also waiting… waiting to put your own point of view across (which can sometimes get in the way of really listening because you are already thinking out your views and so back to your own view of the world).

Tricky, isn’t it?

Subtle too. We often think we’re listening but really, we could do better.

Often we have so much more time to listen too, and doing so properly will actually save time in the end (less miscommunication, less repetition, more connection etc etc etc).

Then there are the questions that don’t require an answer – at least not from someone else. These are the questions you ask yourself, maybe about your choices and decisions. Again, even these can be limited by your filters and viewpoints so be prepared to shake these up a little. Don’t make it easy on yourself. Being prepared to ask yourself difficult questions can often lead to bigger breakthroughs or faster progress (such as being able to drop something that turned out to be a bad idea – confirmation bias would tell you to stick with it but a brave decision to drop it may be the right one).

Some of the most successful people in the world are those who have been able to ask difficult questions, sometimes big but not necessarily, most likely disruptive (because that is going to lead to a new direction). Think Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk…

Questions trigger ideas, solutions and results. Asking questions that challenge current thinking (or our own biases) are those capable of achieving or at least provoking positive change. As Henry Ford said: ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got’.

Final Thought

This has ended up being a little more wordy than I’d planned because the concept is fairly simple.

Asking questions isn’t complicated. We all do it from time to time, but we also tend to stumble around in our own realities and find these very hard to escape, even when we’re asking questions.

So try and ask better questions. Challenge the status quo, including your own beliefs. Then pay attention, and truly listen to outside views. Do this well and it will be like turning on the floodlights.