Now is a good time to look deeper into the issue and wonder if what’s standing between you and your goal is not just … you (your beliefs, your values, your behavior, …).
When we self-sabotage or make excuses which prevent us from moving forward, we are giving in to our Limiting Beliefs.
For instance, you may want a new job but you lack confidence in yourself and can’t stand to be rejected. You may want to start a family but you scare all the men (/women) away with your demanding attitude.
You may want to be less stressed but you think that unless you’re filling up every minute of your time, you’re not living life to the full. etc, etc, etc…
Now, put your Life Coach hat on and ask yourself the question: ‘What do I believe in?’.
Make A List Of Your Beliefs
Take your book and write down everything, every belief you have about life in general, about yourself.
For example:
- I believe children should respect their parents.
- I believe a husband’s role is to look after his family.
- I believe women should be independent.
- I believe my qualifications are outdated.
I believe I don’t have enough skills to get the job I want.
I believe there’s no point in looking for another job because they won’t choose me.
- I believe I should never say No to an invitation.
I believe my kids have to do as many activities as possible because I didn’t get this chance when I was young. - …..
Go on, just write down every belief you can think of.
When you have filled in at least a full page, return to each belief and identify those which have stopped you from doing something you really wanted to do. These, in Life-Coaching ‘speak’ are called limiting Beliefs.
What Do These ‘Limiting Beliefs’ Mean?
Write down what they stopped you from doing.
Pick the limiting belief that has the most influence over you.
Write down the answers to these questions:
- Have you always had this belief?
- Where does this belief come from?
- What evidence do you have that it is true?
- What evidence do you have that this belief is not necessarily true?
- Could this belief be absurd in a way? How?
Pick another belief that’s also stopping you. Go through the same questions.
Now Turn Your Limiting Beliefs Into Positive Self Belief
Once you’ve identified your main limiting beliefs and have recognized how negative they are for you, go back to your book and write down what these beliefs would need to be for you to be able to reach your goal.
could become:
I believe my qualifications are a good foundation and I can update them (your next action could then be to plan a way to do so)
I believe there’s no point in looking for another job because they won’t choose me.
could become:
I believe I should look for another job and get feedback from the first interviews in order to improve so I can finally get the job I want.
I believe I should never say No to an invitation.
could become:
I believe I can say No to an invitation if I feel tired and need some time off and I believe my friends won’t hold it against me.
I believe my kids have to do as many activities as possible because I didn’t get this chance when I was young.
could become:
I believe in my kids doing extra activities that can easily fit in their schedule and mine.
Reading these examples, it might seem easy enough to do but, it might not be the case for you and your limiting beliefs, especially if you’ve believed these things all your life.
Be Realistic And Take It Seriously – You’re The One In Charge
HOLD ON here for a moment … it’s time you realized that these beliefs are the reason why you’ve been stuck for so long!
The best thing about your beliefs is that they are YOURS.
Yours to believe in and yours to change.
The key thing here is to understand that you CAN change your thoughts.
Not only can you change your thoughts but you can decide to think and believe in something that will actually help you rather than hold you back.
Changing your life is about taking control of its direction but also taking control of your actions and your thoughts. In order to reach your goal, you need to change the way you see things.
When this shift is made, so many things can be unlocked.
You’re then the one in charge and you’re giving yourself every chance of success.
[...] We will be providing more articles related to some of these techniques here over the coming weeks. In fact we already have an article covering how to identify your limiting beliefs and what to do about it here. [...]
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I love the summaries you’ve provided here. I write my goals down every day; even though they are the same, it reinforces them I think when I write. It amazes me how progress towards meeting them starts when I remember to do this after being away from it.
Mary recently posted..If your husband won’t stick to a budget …
Thanks Mary,
Yes – it’s simple when you think about it but sometimes we do need to stop and actually think about these things.
Once we realise how much power our thoughts actually hold the possibilities are endless…
take care,
Alan
[...] self-belief and an increased ability to cope more effectively with both short and long-term stressful [...]
I am a firm believer that we can control our own thoughts and that we are often our biggest obstacle in life. These are great questions to help challenge your thoughts and move past your fears.
Fran {The Flavorful Fork} recently posted..5 Benefits of Green Smoothies + 2 Recipes
Thanks Fran,
yes – I’ve had some very interesting moments with clients who first of all doubt such a simple technique then are really surprised at what they find out when they really look at their own limiting beliefs!!
thanks for the comment & best wishes,
Isabelle
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