Comments

Conflict Resolution: How Can We Stop Arguing? — 12 Comments

  1. I think you hit the nail on the head with your first two points about not communicating effectively and about each person having their own world view. Something I’ve learned long ago is that you need to be specific about what you want to communicate.

    In fact it reminds of a girl I dated once who called me on the telephone.and was obviously upset about something. I swear that I asked her a dozen times what was wrong, but she kept saying everything was fine. Eventually I got off the phone with her because she insisted everything was ok. She called back five minutes later and was mad at me because I didn’t get out of her what she was upset about. Seriously, she just should have communicated it to me and it wouldn’t have made her mad.

    • The truth of the matter is that we all do see the world differently, so anyone who is in a relationship where communication is always clear has something I think is probably quite rare – and worth preserving by keeping the quality of communication & understanding up.

      Your example doesn’t sound too bad – I can’t say I haven’t experienced something similar (quite regularly actually) – I just thought every married/in a serious relationship man was expected to be a mind-reader…

    • Hey Francis,

      thanks so much for stopping by – I’m really pleased you liked the article and found it useful. We have lots more practical articles like this one so have a browse through the sections or use the search facility if there’s something in particular you’re looking for. Just let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with,

      take care & best wishes,
      Alan

  2. Arguments can be very toxic. But it’s a natural occurance and i find that some people or some things just are not worth arguing over.
    for instance, my ex-in-laws were are from Ireland and held very strong political and religious views. I knew that if i entered in their disucssion it could turn volatile and so i would do one of two things,
    1- avoice the conversations because i knew that there was no way to have a descent discussion.
    2- Just listen and see their point of view no matter what my own opinions were. I guess this is just a way of agreeing to dissagree without letting them know that i disagreed with them..

    In my daily life i am very lucky though, my husband and have very few arguments. On some days i almost wish we would argue more. i know that sounds ludicrous but agreeing too much with someone can be negative in it’s own way.

    With my kids, it used to be easy. But since they’ve become teenagers, it’s like trying to reason with a baboon. They think they know everything but know absolutely nothing.

    I believe thought that there is anothe class of argument where you just can’t let it go and you will never agree on things. These people are the ones that need to cut ties with. I’ve done this only once in my life and he’s called my ex husband. LOL..

    Thanks Alan, great article that really made me think about some things i’ve been worried about with some family members who have been giving me grief about some recent decisions i’ve made.. GRRRR..

    • lol – trying to reason with a baboon,

      I like it – I’ll have to give that a go some day…

      sounds like an interesting challenge 😉

      I used to have a similar relationship where we never argued & i know exactly what you mean, that can also be annoying – probably better than the opposite though,

      combine this with the tapping and the baboons and I think you’re onto a winner…

    • I’ve learned to avoid some arguments too. Many times it isn’t worth battling it out especially if it is on a topic that really doesn’t matter. I guess my approach is to choose your arguments. Sometimes there is just too little to gain from them.

    • Thanks Mika,

      yep – when you get to the ‘nagging’ stage probably best to look to do something about it 😉

      take care & best wishes,
      Alan

  3. Great article Alan. Sometimes refusing to see another person’s point causes more arguing. I have a friend that we get into an argument at least once a month. Lucky for us no matter how far it goes we always come back to our respect for each other. Listening is the key. Great post.

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