How do we do it well?

Taking the Buddhist view, we’re reminded to let go of attachments – to places, people, objects, material things, even ideas. But in practice, letting go can mean something more personal. It can mean releasing the grip of overthinking, the fear of upsetting someone, the feeling of being misunderstood.

And more than anything, it means loosening our hold on the thoughts we believe too quickly.

For a long time, I’ve believed that much of our suffering comes from within – and I still believe it. But that hasn’t stopped me from feeling stressed or upset when I think I’ve hurt someone, or when someone is upset with me. Caring deeply is a big part of who I am, but it hasn’t always made life easier.

I believe that when we hurt others, we hurt ourselves too… because we are all connected. This is especially true, and magnified, when it concerns those we care most about, to whom we’re most closely connected.

Unfortunately, human beings are complex creatures. We miscommunicate and misunderstand each other more than any other species on the planet. Layer onto that our differing realities, judgments, and expectations, and suddenly we can conjure up hurt even when we meant kindness. Add in assumptions, confirmation bias, mistrust, or the baggage of past wounds, and it becomes easy to wound each other without even trying; because we’re no longer seeing the world as it is, but through the lens of our labels, judgments, and fears.

Letting go, then, isn’t just about what’s happening “out there”. It’s about softening our relationship with what’s going on inside.

We experience less stress when we see things exactly for what they are, without the labels we apply to them.

Stress doesn’t come from the world itself. It comes from the meanings we attach to it: to people, to words, to situations. A deadline isn’t inherently stressful. Nor is a difficult conversation. They become stressful when we tighten around them – mentally, emotionally, physically.

So much of life becomes easier when we allow things to be just what they are. Without judgment. Without needing to control. Without trying to rewrite reality. This includes what other people think, say, and do – and their unique view of the world, however different from your own.

Sometimes we struggle to let go because we want things to be different. We want resolution, validation, clarity. But letting go often begins by simply allowing things to be unresolved.

Even people.

Especially people.

Letting go might mean walking away from a relationship that consistently hurts, even if we once tried our best. It might mean releasing the need to be liked or understood. Or the pressure to always explain ourselves.

And strangely, when we stop clinging, we feel lighter. Freer. More able to love, not less.

We become more available – to the present moment, to others, to ourselves.

Beneath all that thinking – beneath the stress and striving – there is stillness, wisdom, and peace. It’s been there the whole time.

Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s giving space.

It’s trust. It’s presence.

It’s choosing to live from the spirit of the heart, rather than the spirit of judgment.

P.S. I wrote this article because someone very close to me gave me a small gift – a pebble with the words ‘lâcher pris’ (let go) written on it. It’s a useful reminder to think about something that doesn’t always come easy. So I thought I’d write something about it.