With some of my best friends it can get quite brutal.

I’ll explain why I like that and think it’s a good thing in a moment, but let’s get back to the more general question – should you (i.e. anyone) make fun of people? i.e. is it OK to make fun of people?

I think so.

But also – it depends.

Light teasing is generally a good thing.

There are a few caveats though:

• Don’t immediately start tearing down someone you have just met and don’t know at all.
• Unless you know someone really well, avoid things that may obviously be sensitive points (e.g. if someone has a big nose don’t point and say ‘Look at the hooter on you!’)
• Keep it light (as I say unless you really know someone and know they’re up for it) and even then be prepared for the possibility that it could be taken badly, in which case stop, apologise if necessary
• Don’t tease someone because you think you should, only if something comes to you and you think it’s funny and will lighten the mood – don’t try and force it or you will come off as very awkward, offensive and it will have the opposite effect.
• Be prepared for some teasing yourself – if you give it you have to be able to take it.

So it’s clearly a risk, especially with new people.

That being said, I do tend to get on very well with people who take the piss.

Why?

Because these people generally don’t take life too seriously.

It sounds weird but someone who is prepared to make fun of you right to your face is not the sort of person who is likely to gossip about you behind your back. I mean, it’s possible, but why would they, if they are confident enough to tell you what they think right out in front of you? And that’s the point right there, it’s about confidence. Confident people don’t tend to gossip, judge and dish the dirt on people in private. They don’t waste their time with that kind of shitty behaviour.

Years back on a camping trip in Derbyshire, just after we’d moved here I met someone who immediately started taking the piss out of me. He was probing and testing me to see if he could catch me off guard, getting more and more ridiculous, all with a smile on his face. Obviously it became a game with me doing just the same thing in response. I don’t see this guy often but to this day, if we meet we are likely to make fun of each other – and it’s funny, just a bit of harmless banter really. Something strange happens in these situations. That guy can say whatever he likes to me because we’ve established a kind of playfulness between us along with which comes a kind of understanding and a kind of trust. You have to have a degree of self confidence to start teasing people in that way, pushing it to the limit, trying in a playful way to destabilise somebody. We’ve since had more serious conversations about more serious things in which case the teasing disappears but there is a care and a trust and an understanding, a friendship that remains all of which actually came from a number of interactions over the years where we basically did nothing but tease each other, maybe finding in the process that perhaps we have a similar outlook in life, at least we have a similar sense of humour and self-confidence. We’re not even close friends, but I would trust that guy far more than other local ‘friends’ I have met and spent a lot more time with (some of whom I’m afraid to say are not at all comfortable in their skin and prone to a bit of gossip).

This is an extreme example because the teasing in this case was quite a lot from the start but obviously I also gave off that vibe and it escalated quite quickly. With most people it’s just a case of not taking life too seriously, some light teasing here and there and that may come down to not giving a straight answer to a question to deliberately take a conversation on a tangent, word-play, joke-answers to things, exaggerating truths etc – not necessarily anything direct but this is all teasing in a way because by not taking life too seriously you are introducing a bit of playfulness into your relationships – playfulness that otherwise might not be there, and that’s a good thing – it’s fun. It means that people (hopefully) can see that you are a fun person to be around.

Most people are trying so hard to be nice (because they are too self-conscious) that they don’t give themselves permission to stray from the straight and narrow to risk causing offence even if they do think of something hilarious they could say or do.

I play in an online poker game every week. I set this up when the Covid pandemic started to keep in touch with friends and it has become a huge success running every week since then and a great way for friends to keep in touch wherever they are in the world. Among the various friends I see every week, one very close friend of mine constantly ribs me in this game. He will tell everyone he doesn’t mind losing as long as he doesn’t lose to Alan. He will take the piss in any way he can, much like the first guy I told you about at the campsite. Yet this is a very close friend. He does this because I open myself up to that – because I do the same. At the same time this particular friend is someone I love and respect very much, he is someone very thoughtful, one of the nicest and most caring people I know, one of the most consistent, solid, helpful and reliable friends I have.

Now to be clear, I’m not saying that in order to be a good friend you have to have this in your character – that you have to go around making fun of people – I have other very good friends who don’t do that. What I am saying is that making fun of people (done properly) shows confidence, can be a very attractive trait and is certainly not something to be afraid of.

It’s also probably true to say that you have to know how far to take it with different people – for most people light teasing is a good thing and adds a bit of spice to life, it’s harmless and shows you are confident and don’t take life too seriously. They don’t have to join in and if you keep it very light then that’s probably OK. Then you can ramp it up/down appropriately depending upon who you’re dealing with.

Making fun of people/taking the piss/teasing (with an appropriate judgement on your part as to how light you need to keep it – basically if in doubt keep it light) demonstrates confidence and comfort in your own skin.

Not only does this show confidence and that you don’t take life too seriously – it actually creates an openness and a trust giving others around you permission to do the same (whether or not they see that or use that permission is another discussion really, not everyone will).

Frightened people who overemphasise their sense of self never tease and these same people are likely to take it badly if they are teased – feeling ‘attacked’ and basically not getting it that you’re just having a bit of fun (so if you come across people like this, then obviously… just be very careful with any piss taking – maybe just avoid it altogether).

So making fun of people is all about not taking life too seriously, it is a fun, playful act which shows clear confidence and that you’re confident in your own skin but also that (in order to have that bit of fun) you are prepared to take a risk and have a willingness to lose should offence be caused. How edgy you want to be and how far you want to take it from light teasing to brutal piss-taking is completely up to you and depends largely upon how well you can do it (which comes down to practice, how ‘in tune’ you are with the humour around you along with your own sense of humour and your confidence and also that of those around you).

When you get it right it can be a lot of fun, make life more fun for you and those around you.

Whether you do it or not depends a lot on whether it feels comfortable to you – if it’s very awkward it could well have the reverse effect.

So is it a good thing? – I think so, done right, absolutely.